Looking back through my journey of personal development, I came to the conclusion that I was trying to fix myself. I must fix myself, and all of my problems will go away. I will lose weight, and be happy forever. I will get a dog and my life will be complete. I will find a man and THEN I will be happy forever. Or probably I just need a new job… Then my life will be wonderful. In all of those scenarios, I would find myself wondering why I wasn’t happy like I thought I would be. Why was I freaking out all of the time?
I know what it is, I’m broken. I’m broken and I need fixing still. I am going to change myself; I must change. Maybe I will try mediating everyday for 30 days, and then I will be changed forever. Maybe I should give up sugar for 30 days, then I will be changed, I will be a nice person who doesn’t freak out and I will be happy.
While all of those “changes” are positive and a nice idea…. The real issue is that I saw myself as broken. Being broken was part of my identity. It is impossible to be broken and healed at the same time. How could I possibly change myself into someone who was whole and complete if I identified with being someone who was broken and in need of fixing?
Today, I was on a walk with my dog, thinking about the concept of being whole and complete just as I am and what that may look like. It doesn’t mean that I will never changed from who I am today, it is like the evolution of a tree…. Trees are constantly moving towards the light. They are growing, they shift with nature. The whole time a tree is alive, it is going through stages and seasons and movements, however, the tree never finds itself to be broken and needing to change. The tree does not make itself wrong for losing its leaves in the fall.
Change happens naturally for the tree because it accepts what it is given; it alters itself based on the offerings of the universe and knows that everything is fine, just as it is.
What would it look like if you dropped the idea that you needed to be fixed? That somehow you were not enough as you are and must be mended. How would you feel if you gave yourself the space to just “Be”. To know that you are perfect, whole and complete just as you are. How would you show up in your life? Who would you be, coming from that space?
Move towards the light, Be the light, spread the light knowing you are complete, whole and perfect, just as you are.
Xoxo, Your Wandering Gypsy